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Meski Sering Kamu Marahi, Diam-diam Ada Doa yang Cowokmu Panjatkan Untukmu

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ArenaWanita.com – Kami berhadap-hadapan, dia mencuriku lewat matanya yang teduh, yang sembunyi dibalik poninya yang fringe bangs lucu. Itu awal pertemuan kami, saya serta dia masih tetap sama-sama menaruh suatu hal, kami masih tetap bersekat batas, orang memanggilnya “jaim”.

Sesudahnya, kami jadi lebih dekat serta jadi sepasang kekasih yang lucu dimana nada kentut serta baunya juga jadi begitu romantis. Tahun makin tambah, cinta kami masih tetap sama walau sekurang-kurangnya saya kekurangan dalam materi. Jadi, padanya saya tunjukkan permintaan maaf paling iba, “Maaf, belum pula dapat membuat kamu seperti mereka. Aku masih tetap berupaya. ”

Meski Sering Kamu Marahi, Diam-diam Ada Doa yang Cowokmu Panjatkan Untukmu

Enam bln. paling akhir dengannya benar-benar menyedihkan, dia seringkali terluka karna masalah masa depan saya masih tetap belum pula dapat menanggung kemapanan. Dia memiliki hak geram atas hal semacam ini, serta saya terima dengan senyuman. Aku pingin melepasnya karna dia kelihatannya penuh luka batin, tapi bagaimana dapat?

Ada beraneka kisah lama, ada balon-balon lucu di alun-alun yang sempat kita terlepas berbarengan ke langit, ada anak-anak kambing di pesisir yang seringkali kami berikan makan wafer keju, ada guratan di badan kami sisa celaka karna naik motor dengan canda. Aku tidak ingin bebaskan demikian saja. Aku selalu berdoa serta berupaya.

Aku bisa terbenam dalam rasa sedih apa pun memiliki bentuk, tapi tunjukkanlah dia kebahagiaan yang paling cinta, Tuhan

Bukan berkorban, sepertinya memang ini cara kerjanya

Dia sempat jemu, meninggalkanku seperti adegan murahan di opera sabun yang diulang-ulang. Terkadang dia juga tidak yakin kalau saya tengah berupaya jadi apa yang dia kehendaki. Seringkali, yang saya peroleh tidak dapat membuatnya tersenyum, tetapi berlalu demikian saja. Tapi tidak apa, mungkin saja langkah dia bahagia yaitu dikala dia geram kepadaku. Banyak yang dia minta kepadaku, saya tengah dalam usaha dengan keseriusan, dengan perhitungan serta seberat-beratnya doa. Dia mesti yakin.

Perkara saya terluka hari ini serta dia lari dengan lelaki beda, Tuhan… saya hanya minta satu dari demikian doa, janganlah berikan saya rasa kehilangan

Meninggalkanku serta lari dengan lelaki beda bukanlah sekali saja. Anehnya, bahkan juga rasa kehilangan tidak ada dalam hati, jadi jadi lebih erat cintaku kepadanya. Aku sangka saya manusia paling bodoh didunia, menunggunya yang tengah bahagia dengan lelaki beda. Tapi waktu dia menentukan untuk bersamaku sekali lagi, saat itu juga saya tahu orang paling bodoh didunia yaitu dianya. Tapi saya jadi lebih cinta. Ini buat bahagia.

Tuhan, tunjukkan dia langkah yang enteng juga jalan lurus untuk kebahagiaan yang dianya tetap dambakan

Aku begini saja, dia harus bahagia

Aku jauh dari kaya, simpel saja. Kalau dia inginkan yang lebih kaya, juga akan kubuatkan jalan yang paling indah untuk dia agar dia terlepas dariku, tapi dia bertahan walau mesti menanggung derita. Dia sempat katakan beberapa puluh kata benda yang dia kehendaki dariku, jadi saya katakan beberapa ratus kata kerja agar dia paham saya tengah berupaya untuk meraih itu. Aku ingin dia dapat mengambil langkah enteng bersamaku dalam bahagia. Kalau materi dapat membuatnya bahagia, juga akan kuberikan kelak.

Apa yang harus kuberikan padanya andaikan semuanya didunia ini milikmu, Tuhan? Pinjamkan saya kapabilitas, di batin sekali lagi tubuh untuk merinduinya

Aku tidak miliki nyali untuk berjanji sekali lagi sehabis demikian janji pupus di tangisannya. Lelaki yang paling payah sedunia yaitu dia yang kehilangan janji-janjinya sendiri. Barangkali lelaki itu saya, atau saya hanya satu. Tapi kata ibuku yang rajin berdoa untukku, saya tidak bisa menyerah masalah wanita. Aku bersukur hingga saat ini masih tetap saja ada jalan untuk menyukai dianya.

Tuhan, maaf sempat saya mengisap jarinya yang berdarah, biarkanlah ini jadi dosa yang paling indah untuk kami. Tidak kan terulang, Tuhan

Berdosa memang, tapi akan kuperbaiki ini

Ini rasa cinta yang aneh, tipikal rasa cinta yang andaikan digabung dengan nafsu serta birahi jadi jadi rancu. Jika menatapnya saja saya dapat bergetar kesemutan terlebih memegang tangannya. Dia senangi sekali menjahit, ada irisan-irisan flanel warna-warni di tempat tinggalnya. Hari itu dia bikinkan saya satu bantal kecil dari flanel-flanel kecil, disulamnya namaku serta namanya. Aku saksikan tangannya tergesek gunting, saat itu juga kuhisap jarinya yang lucu itu. Dia terdiam, saya terdiam, saya meyakini saat juga lupa jalan.

Sampai kini cuma ada rindu yang dipepatkan serta hancur dalam segenggam telepon pandai, kami rayakannya tiap-tiap malam minggu tiba. Kami merajut hubungan jarak jauh yang cukup lama untuk dihitung bln.. Video call serta telepon genggam ini fasilitas melipat jarak yang tidak terhitung jauhnya. Ingin saya menyapanya serta ceritakan beberapa hal padanya perihal masa-masa lantas yang penuh romansa.

Di dekat kosku saat ini ada pasar malam, tidak demikian ramai karna hujan tentu datang. Sayang, saya ingin anda disini, menanti jagung bakar masak serta berencana kalimat yang juga akan kita katakan diatas komidi putar. Kesini saja, atau cukup hanya rindu

Mudah-mudahan semuanya doa yang saya katakan ditangkap-Nya dengan senyuman. Didalam doaku ada dia, ada kekasihku yang seringkali berucap jengkel serta bertampang ngambek menjengkelkan. Mudah-mudahan saja usia kami panjang, saya dapat melunasi janjiku, dia dapat bahagia dengan itu. Aku lebih bahagia.

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