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Rasanya Belum Lunas Jadi Anak, Bapak Sudah Pergi Meninggalkan Kami Selamanya

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ArenaWanita.com – Bapakku yaitu yang paling baik dari semua bapak didunia. Saya yakini itu lebih dari apa pun. Mungkin saya tdk menyadari bagaimana lelahnya Bapak. Barang secuil juga saya tidak dapat rasakan apa yang sudah diperjuangkan Bapak. Dulu pada saat dia masih tetap hidup, saya juga percaya ada rahasia yang dipikulnya serta tidak sempat seseorang juga tahu, termasuk juga saya anaknya.

Saya tidak menyadari bagaimana dapat dia bertahan dengan beban jadi seseorang bapak, membesarkan kami. Ya ampun, saya telat mengerti serta seringkali buat beliau kewalahan dengan semua tingkahku. Bila saja masih tetap ada peluang, pingin rasa-rasanya saya mohon maaf.

Rasanya Belum Lunas Jadi Anak, Bapak Sudah Pergi Meninggalkan Kami Selamanya

Dulu waktu saya masih tetap kecil, Bapak seringkali membawaku bersepeda di satu tanggul yang panjang. Kami berdua menyulam senja dengan ikatan kuat seseorang Bapak yang menyayangi anaknya. Saya juga masih tetap ingat bagaimana beliau memperkuat saya pada saat sunat, menggenggam tanganku erat di satu dipan klinik, dia membisikkan banyak doa di telingaku. Iya, Bapak yaitu sinar jelas untuk kami yang bersedih lantaran masa depan senantiasa gelap.

Saat ini dia sudah pergi utk selama-lamanya, saya menangisi satu hal ; seperti ada yang belum juga lunas, saya berasa ada yang luput serta tdk kuberikan padanya.

1. Dulu senantiasa ada Bapak dengan berwajah yang teduh menghapus kecemasan kami setiap saat ada problem. Benar-benar kayaknya saya kurang belajar dari dirinya

Saya percaya, dahulu waktu saya minta dibelikan mainan, itu bermakna ada uang tabungan yang dibobolnya, atau beliau mesti bekerja lebih keras sekali lagi. Pikirkan untuk mainan yang saya senangi serta saya sendiri tdk mendapatkan faedah apa-apa, beliau ikhlas berpeluh keringat.

Dengan berwajah yang teduh dirinya sendiri tdk menampakan kelelahan di mukanya. Beliau pintar menaruh kelelahannya dalam doa. Bila bisa kala itu diulang, saya tdk pengin memohonnya utk membelikanku mainan yang tdk seberapa mutlak. Tapi semuanya telah berlangsung, saya cuma dapat memungutnya jadi cerita lama paling indah.

2. Bapak memanglah tdk sempat menuntut lebih, tapi senantiasa berada di dalam dadaku suatu hal yang belum juga lunas untuk kuberikan kepadanya

Dia tak pernah menuntut, tapi aku ingin buktikan kalau aku bisa bikin bangga Bapakku!

Mungkin ada juta-an nasehat yang beliau beri. Ada juta-an tingkah laku teladan yang ditampakan kepadaku, tapi ada juta-an juga yang kulanggar serta tdk disegerakan. Sampai selanjutnya beliau berpulang pada Tuhan, saya cuma dapat mengais penyesalan dalam rapalan doa.

Beliau sendiri tdk sempat menuntut, kata-katanya lembut seperti mahkota mawar berjatuhan waktu kau sentuh. Beliau lelaki dengan wangi rimba pinus selepas hujan, dirinya sendiri tdk pingin menuntut anaknya utk menguber harapan. Hanya pingin anaknya puas, nikmati semuanya ketentuan serta hindari kemarahan. Hal yang ini seringkali luput dariku.

3. Saya percaya Bapak belum juga senang jadi seseorang bapak, melihatku begini apa bisa saja ada setitik kebanggaan dari dirinya sendiri. Mudah-mudahan doaku dapat membuatnya tersenyum disana

Aku tak sempat membuatnya bangga

Mendekati Tuhan menjemputnya, saya lihat berwajah jauh kedalam, cuma ada senyuman. Bapak memberiku warisan itu, satu senyuman yang seakan berikan isyarat dalam kalimat “Nak, tdk apa hingga disini saja. Besok nantinya anda dapat menyambung Bapakmu yang payah ini”. Ada yang belum juga lunas dariku serta ada yang belum juga senang di muka Bapak, lihat adik-adik serta ibuku saya jadi lemas. Apakah saya dapat membawa mereka pada kebahagiaan, seluruhnya saat ini tertimpa padaku. Misal saja saya yaitu Bapak, saya tentu dapat menjalaninya dengan senyuman.

4. Bapak sudah meninggalkan banyak kebaikan, menaruhnya diam-diam dalam dadaku. Saat ini saya harus membuatnya jadi fakta, menyelesaikan keinginannya

Ada yang tdk sempat kusadari sampai kini. Beliau senantiasa berbohong pada kami, dirinya sendiri tdk sempat betul-betul kenyang waktu kuminta sedikit jatah makannya. Beliau tdk sempat betul-betul “baik-baik saja” waktu penyakitnya mulai datang. Beliau tdk sempat betul-betul ada uang dikala saya minta beberapa mainan. Beliau tdk sempat betul-betul tersenyum dalam kehidupan.

Bapak orang yang kukenal saat ini yaitu beliau dengan semua kemurahan hati, yang hidup cuma utk orang yang lain. Beliau bernapas buat kami keluarganya, bisa saja seluruhnya yaitu kebahagiaan untuk dirinya sendiri. Beliau lelaki yang betul-betul hidup dengan cinta. Tuhan, demikian terlambat saya mengenalnya, mudah-mudahan disana ada tempat paling nyaman utk dirinya sendiri.

Di satu tanggul, dimana senjanya demikian emas serta anginnya demikian sepoi Bapak sempat ajukan pertanyaan kepadaku mengenai, “kenapa anda sulit diminta mandi, Nak? ”. Saya menjawabnya dengan tegas bila “airnya dingin! ” Bapak kembali ajukan pertanyaan, “tapi mengapa anda senangi main hujan? ”. Kujawab dengan polos, “karena airnya rame-rame”. Bapak sekedar tersenyum, kakinya masih tetap mengayuh sepeda sesaat saya nyaman berpagut padanya, memeluk lehernya dari boncengan belakang.

Tiba dirumah, yang berlangsung benar-benar saya nikmati, di kamar mandi yang kecil itu, Bapak membuat hujan dari pipa-pipa plastik yang dilubangi, air-air yang melesat-melesat darinya buat saya semangat mandi. Hari ini, saya yakin setiap saat hujan datang, Bapak disana tengah memohon pada Tuhan utk kirim saya satu hujan. Hujan disini, hujan di pipi, hujan di mata sulit terlupa. Saya rindu, Bapak.

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